Emily and the Mermaid: a novelized fairy tale

     Here’s a riddle: What do you get when you cross Gulliver's Travels  with “The Little Mermaid”?   You might get Emily and the Mermaid: A Novelized Fairy Tale .        During the 1840s, a coastal island farm girl, Emily McAllister, and a mermaid, Amelia Dearheart, become friends and grow up together.   After they rescue the prince of Beauteous Kingdom, they’re invited to live in the royal palace.        Beauteous Kingdom is a dysfunctional fairy tale kingdom.   Students are taught to think inside the box, the kingdom’s prosperity is measured by how much money people borrow to waste on things they don’t need, the purpose of competing newspapers is to show their readers the limits of acceptable discussion and thought, a war is being fought for reasons that don’t make any sense, and twelve powerful magicians c laim the ability to create gold and silver by putting magic words on slips of paper. ...

  .       Mermaids, their homes and their habitats are explained and described, including how mermaids and dolphins sense the approach of a hurricane and fend for themselves.   Mermaids praise their King Wayan II for doing little or nothing as a ruler, which perfectly suits them.   Mermaid doctors are rewarded for keeping their patience well, and mermaids pay them nothing when they fall ill.      Mermaid Queen Iridescence is killed by a tiger shark, which causes her eldest daughter to fear going to the surface by herself.   The three major settings of the novel are the mermaid kingdom Marbella, the royal palace of Beauteous Kingdom, and Emily McAllister’s farm home on Sawyer Island.  Mermaid and dolphin relationships are described.      Prince Arthur, heir to the throne of Beauteous Kingdom, is an impractical dreamer who’d rather spend time communing with nature and woodland fairies than l...

     The reader is introduced to each of the six mermaid princesses. Mermaid palace life, with little fish and each mermaid sister’s personal garden, is described.        We learn of the twelve powerful magicians who boast the power to create gold and silver by putting magic words on slips of paper.   The magicians are uninterested in who makes official decrees as long as the magicians are free to create the kingdom’s wealth.      We also learn of lesser magicians known as happiness counters.   By means of such magic words as kurtosis, standard deviation , and granger , they’re able to divine that almost everyone in Beauteous Kingdom is deliriously happy—after excluding the “outliars” (people who lie more than anyone else), of course.      Prince Arthur has private tutors who teach him such things as how to influence people by learning a store of talking points that seem to address ...

  In the mermaid kingdom of Marbella, education is usually an interactive experience, like a continuous field trip.   Among other things, merchildren learn about other sea life, how to weave baskets from eelgrass, and of other aquatic cultures, such as undines (seen at left), melusines, naiads, ama divers, Moken, and bayou shanty-boat dwellers. Merchildren also learn of fairies, sylphs, sasquatches, and Gullah humans.      Mermaid Grandmother Glynis unintentionally gives Triza (the youngest mermaid princess) the wrong impression when she repeats tales she had heard from fairies. Triza comes to believe that among humans every challenge has a happy ending.      On Sawyer Island, Emily learns from such books as the McGuffey Readers and An Improved Grammar of the English Language (suggesting some deficiency in the previous version of the textbook.)   Although logic was commonly taught in Western kingdoms of the early ninetee...

      N’Shal, the oldest mermaid princess, comes of age to go to the surface alone, and she’s still fearful, due to her mother’s death years earlier.   She notices dolphins following her as far as the bay outside the city of Royalton.   In the bay, she meets and is befriended by an undine named Cachina.   Cachina guides her to the nearby Isle of Lucy, where they observe the city by night and listen to the night sounds.      They also look at the stars Altar and Vega, facing each other across the Milky Way; and they recall the beloved legend of the cow herder and the fairy princess of heaven.      As N’Shal is leaving, Cachina invites her to come for a visit some other time, as there’s an undine community at the western end of the bay.   As N’Shal leaves the bay for the open sea, dolphins accompany her back to the mermaid kingdom.   Her grandmother Glynis had made sure that on her maiden voyage, N’Sh...

     In the middle of June 1843, the second mermaid sister Eeba came of age, and it was her turn to rise to the surface without supervision and explore the world above.      Eeba journeyed to Sawyer Island.  Swimming into Gull Inlet between Sawyer Island and Palm Island, she discovered a creek and decided to explore it.  Along the way, Eeba met some fairies who encouraged her to swim as far as Garner's Millpond so she could watch the children swim.      The fairies unwisely advised her to conceal herself behind the millpond impoundment behind the spillway and watch the children from that position.      Eeba watched the children for a long time, not noticing that the tide had gone out, making it impossible for her to dive from the spillway to the millpond.       Emily's black Cairn terrier Hero caught sight of Eeba and began barking.  All the children looked and saw Eeba. Fright...

    This chapter tells the story of a girl who, three decades after the events of this novel, was befriended by mermaids, learned their ways, and shared their culture with the world of humans.  The girl's grandfather Glenn Kellerman, is a minor character in Emily and the Mermaid: a novelized fairy tale.      The girl's name was Annette Kellerman.      Annette Kellerman was an Australian girl who, at a very young age, developed a case of rickets, which severely weakened her legs.  Annette's father, remembering Glenn Kellerman's tales of meeting mermaids in Beauteous Kingdom over three decades earlier, felt that swimming mermaid style would strengthen her legs.      After making a few contacts in Beauteous Kingdom, Mr. Kellerman placed Annette in the care of mermaids for a few months.  After a few more contacts that were supplied by mermaids and fairies, Annette continued her lessons in her native Au...

     Here we learn more of Beauteous Kingdom, Prince Arthur, and the prince's upbringing.      Arthur's father, King Zanidiate, is a compassionate king who cares for his subjects as if they were his children.  He constantly has his finger on the public pulse and makes many decisions for his subjects.      All this compassion costs a great deal of money, but twelve powerful magicians have that matter in hand.  They create gold and silver by putting magic words on slips of paper.  As long as no one has the temerity to actually look into the royal treasury, the gold and silver keeps piling up.  Only the magicians are allowed to see all this gold and silver.      Beauteous Kingdom is also blessed by lesser magicians called happiness counters.  By means of magic words such as kurtosis and regression analysis, these magicians are able to count things that no one else can count, such as happiness. Pe...

     In 1844, it was Serena's turn to rise to the surface.  Being the timid sort of mermaid, Serena stayed in the midst of the sea, watching ships and sporting with dolphins.      On warm days, Emily, Amelia, and Emily's dog Hero spent time with each other at Garner's Millpond.  Gradually learning each other's language, Emily and Amelia also learned of each other's culture as Hero watched for intruders. Emily often brought a copy of an illustrated book called  Peter Parley's Universal History, on the Basis of Geography , which aided them in their discussions of many places and things of dry land.   In August 1846, the next mermaid sister, Ayon rose to the surface.  She swam toward the setting sun, without reaching it, of course. While at the surface, Ayon felt the first windfleers of the Great Hurricane of 1846.  As the hurricane was still a few days away, Ayon could relax and enjoy the landscape, seascape, and mammals o...

     I mentioned in the previous chapter that Ayon rose to the surface in August 1846.  Two other notable events happened that year: the Great Hurricane of 1846 and the subsequent Yellow Fever Epidemic.      Before the Great Hurricane of 1846, North Carolina's Outer Banks were part of the North American mainland.  Since the hurricane, and even to this day, the Outer Banks have been islands.      This chapter gives a vivid description of what sea dwellers do to survive during a hurricane and how a great hurricane impacts the world beneath the sea.       Although the super hurricane made landfall in present-day North Carolina, it also wreaked havoc on the City of Royalton and on Sawyer Island, more than a hundred miles to the south. Amelia was unable to visit Emily because trees that had fallen across Sunrise Creek blocked her path.      By the time Amelia was able to visit Emily, the Yellow...

   On the third Saturday of each September, Sawyer Island held its annual harvest festival.  It differed from the harvest festivals of today only in that it also features coming-of-age competitions.  Young people who would turn fifteen years of age at any time from that date through the following year were invited to participate.  In 1847, Emily McAllister was the right age to participate.      The harvest festival was held near Moultrieville, at the other end of Sawyer Island.     The coming-of-age competitions included a pentathlon for boys, a pentathlon for girls, and a sack race for pairs of boys and girls.   The five events in the boys’ pentathlon included chewing tobacco spitting, arm wrestling and jaw punching, undershirt sniffing, hog calling, and telling tall tales (otherwise known as lying). The pentathlon for girls included cooking (both fresh and leftovers), a clabber hauling race, cat bathing, handicraft making,...

     One day,  the two oldest mermaid  princesses, N'Shal and Eeba,  visited N'Shal's undine friend Cachina.  Cachina invited them to meet some naiads in a group called Aquatic Watch.      Aquatic Watch is a neighborhood watch group consisting of undines, melusines, naiads, and woodland fairies.  They hope to complete their group by recruiting some mermaids.  Aquatic Watch is headed by a naiad known as Sunshine.        Unofficially a human couple named Dale and Hazel Hill are associate members. Dale is a craftsman.  Hazel and Sunshine had been friends since they were little girls.      The naiad language is more comprehensible when you read it out loud.  For example, " Cummin seddas bel," translates as, "Welcome to our home;" and,  “ Gotsum forners.  Tooavum. Airyuls buds," translates as, " We have two visitors who have come a long way to be here.   T...

      Finally Amelia came of age and rose to the surface.  She was very late returning home and would speak to no one about her journey.  She clearly carried some unspoken sorrow.      A friendly singing crab that called herself Lolita  Detritivore tried to cheer her up by singing a song about singing your troubles away.   A seagull swooped down and snatched up the crab and took her away to feed her young.  No amount of singing would save poor Lolita  Detritivore.      Eventually, she broke down and told everything to her oldest sister N'Shal.     The remainder of the chapter describes a party taking place aboard the royal yacht, a three-masted schooner called The Eidolon.    A storm is coming up.

     As the storm gets worse, all passengers move below decks, where Prince Arthur gets seasick.  In an attempt to overcome Arthur's seasickness, Prince Brian helps Arthur toward the wheelhouse.  On the way, a wave sweeps Arthur overboard.        The storm pulls the ship farther and farther away from Arthur.  As Amelia lifts Arthur's head above water, she and Brian see each other's face.  Amelia points toward the shore, and Brian waves at her.      Early next morning, Amelia reaches Sawyer Island with Arthur in tow.  She can't just leave him on the beach, so she tows him to Garner's Millpond.  Emily's terrier Hero hears Amelia's mermaid song and barks for Emily to follow her.       Prince Arthur awakens in the rustic McAllister farmhouse.  The family serve him breakfast, and the pampered Prince Arthur gets a quick education in 1840's farm life.      Emi...

     Prince Arthur and Emily's family meet Amelia and get to know each other.      Because the next ferry to Royalton was hours away, Prince Arthur would spend the day touring the farm and learning more about 1840's farm living.  During the day, Arthur realized Bastiat's wisdom in advising him to get to know others on their terms and not necessarily on his own terms.      Prince Arthur also learned that Richard McAllister had a very expensive book called  Birds of North America .  Mr. McAllister is reluctant to talk about the book and says simply that someone in Manhattan had sent it to him.  He had no idea that it was all that expensive.  Prince Arthur also had a copy of the book at the royal palace.      Before Prince Arthur left for Royalton, he invited Emily to live at the palace as Queen Arabella's lady-in-waiting.  He wished he could extend the same invitation to Amelia, but the Roya...

     Word of Amelia's loneliness gets around.  N'Shal's undine friend Cachina offers to show Amelia where the royal palace is.  Finding a way to meet Emily again would be in Amelia's hands.      By this time, Aquatic Watch has grown, and Eeba is the mermaid commander.  N'Shal tells Amelia a few things about Captain Sunshine.  Years earlier, Hazel had helped Sunshine to get a "human identity" so she could take courses in anthropology and biology.  At the time the story takes place, Hazel and Sunshine are working to create a naiad system of writing —not an alphabet but a syllabary.      Before Amelia and N'Shal reach Cachina's home, N'Shal gives Amelia some lessons in how naiads are able to move about without being seen —or not being noticed, or not being regarded, or not being remembered.      In the royal palace garden, Amelia notices several examples of statuary that had been inspired by ancie...

     Amelia's grandmother Glynis becomes concerned about Amelia's frequent visits to the palace and her spying on Prince Arthur.  Amelia answers that, among humans, this kind of behavior is considered romantic.  She gives the writings of Edgar Allan Poe as an example of this phenomenon, believing Poe to be a writer of romantic literature.      Her grandmother suggests that the raven's cryptic remark, "Nevermore," is advice on Poe's literary career.  She further reminds humans that humans live in houses made of dead things and that they like to surround themselves with other dead things.  In the sea, she says, they're surrounded by life.      During a royal party, Amelia sneaks away to the house of the Sea Hag and asks for a means of developing legs and living like a human on land.  When the Sea Hag asks for her voice as the price for what she wants, Amelia thinks for a moment and refuses.     ...

   Amelia forms a new plan to see her friend Emily.  With the blessing and assistance of her family, she leaves for Royalton.  Amelia boldly swims up to the pool in the palace courtyard and speaks to the first person she sees.        That person turns out to be Prince Brian, the young man Amelia had seen on the deck of the royal yacht Eidolon .  Brian runs to get his mother Queen Arabella and Emily.  Prince Arthur is in the city visiting his Australian friend Glenn Kellerman.      They quickly invite Amelia to live with them in the palace.  Their servants give Amelia a Bath chair (a forerunner of the wheelchair) to aid her in getting about.    The following Friday, Amelia moves into the palace.  Amelia's family and other mermaids meet the royal family and perform synchronized swimming to entertain them.        Glenn Kellerman, on the balcony of Prince Arthur...

     Prince Arthur invites five friends for a picnic at his favorite "alone" spot, Audrey Meadows, located along the shore of Veronica Lake, in Rudy Valley.  The friends are Prince Brian, Glenn Kellerman, Emily, Amelia, and Emily's Cairn terrier Hero.      As they're enjoying their picnic lunch, Ghasan the Assassin makes another attempt on Prince Arthur's life.  Before he can pull the trigger, a bird snatches away his hat and causes him to fall from his tree.  On the ground, the injured Ghasan is sprayed by a skunk, suffers other embarrassments, and runs away in humiliation.      Just as the six friends are getting ready to leave, the brake on Amelia's Bath chair slips and the Bath chair rolls down the slope with Amelia helplessly holding on.  The Bath chair crashes into a large rock called Oliver Stone and sends Amelia hurling into Veronica Lake.      Fearing that Amelia will drown, Kellerman jumps ...

  One day while Emily and Amelia are reading in the palace library, Amelia becomes angry and hurls a book across the room.  The book in question is  Vestiges of the Natural History of Creation , written by Robert Chambers in 1844.      Chambers, who wrote his theories of evolution several years before Darwin, suggested that frogs, which live on land, were superior to amphibious creatures that still lived in the sea.  That would mean that mermaids were inferior to frogs.       Emily urges Amelia not to get upset, because no one really takes evolution seriously anyway.      The conversation turns to hopes for college.  Emily hints that she may pay her tuition by entering a mediocrity contest, which is reserved for women contestants.      There are several categories in the mediocrity contest.       In one category, the contestant must be generically pretty but no...

     The royal family are now planning to host a s oirée   and Emily's parents and brothers are invited to attend. The McAllister family will spend a few days in the palace, and Emily's father Richard has brought his fiddle as part of the entertainment.    Amelia's sister Eeba pays an unexpected visit to the palace, but it's not a social call.  As it happens, Eeba's sister N'Shal and  dozens of other mermaids, melusines, and naiads were witnesses to a serious crime that took place at the Edward Mandell house near the Joan River, on the Royalton peninsula.      For several weeks, valuables were being removed from the Edward Mandell house and replace d with cheap substitutes.  A week or so earlier, on the night of the fire that destroyed the house, a reporter was seen making sketches of the house even as the fire started.  Less than a week after the fire, before the police could complete their investigation, Edward Ma...

      In preparation for the upcoming soir ée, the royal palace received a visit from Ben Friendly, the chief of protocol for Kakisland, a nearby kingdom. Ben Friendly and Beauteous Kingdom's chief of protocol George Pleasant discussed the protocol and cultural differences of their kingdoms.    Pleasant learns that human resources departments in Kakisland have an office called the department of defenestration.  If a job applicant begins a sentence with the words, "Hey, man," he's sent to the defenestrator to request defenestration.  The defenestrator would then comply with the applicant's request by throwing him out a window.      In Kakisland, public breastfeeding is so commonly practiced that it's not even noticed, but it's illegal (and considered disgusting and immoral) for fat people to eat in public.      Also in Kakisland, billboards and other forms of advertising are posted everywhere people look.  To...

      During the soirée banquet, singers and dancers entertained the guests.      The singers included an Irish woman, a French singer of opera, and an American folk singer who sang "Oh! Susanna!" as she performed an 1850 version of the can-can dance.  Amelia sang a mermaid song, though only three guests knew what a mermaid song would sound like.  Another guest, Joseph Phillbrick Webster, tells Amelia that he had performed on stage with the Swedish Nightingale Jenny Lind.  Compared to  Amelia, Webster says, Jenny Lind sounds like an angry parrot.     Dancers included a ballet dancer performing a portion of La Sylphide , a Gypsy belly dancer, and (with her father playing an early version of "Irish Washerwoman" on the fiddle, Emily McAllister.  Emily doesn't want to cheapen her performance by admitting that it's a Sawyer Island cockroach-stomping dance, so she gives the dance another name: Irish step dancing.  ...